I don’t like the mama I am recently.
I am tired constantly and grumpy.
Sam is going through…something. Teething, maybe? Molars? Sleep regression? I don’t really know. He’s been waking up 4-5 (or more) times a night and not going to sleep until 9 or 10 at night, but waking up around the same time as he always does. Plus he is going through some kind of language explosion and all of that combined makes for some rough days.
He’s whiny. He’s figured out how to defeat all our baby gates — all of them! — so I can’t keep him contained anymore. He gets into everything, and as much as I try to create a “yes” environment, I find that I am saying NO about 567 billion times a day and I just feel exasperated and like I am a failure as a mother. He hits and throws stuff and pinches when he gets mad or frustrated, and we have tried everything to get him to stop. I have resorted to just putting him in his crib if he does any of that stuff for a “time out” but I don’t know that he’s getting the picture. Spanking doesn’t work. Redirection doesn’t work. I don’t feel like anything works.
I’m exhausted and even when Sam does sleep, I have insomnia that nothing helps. I might fall asleep pretty quickly initially but if Sam wakes up or I need to get up to go pee, I’m pretty much just awake for the rest of the night, usually from about midnight or 1 on.
I’m not being the mama I want to be right now. I want to be kind and patient and fun and happy. I just don’t know how to handle my own kid and he’s 18 months old. What am I going to do when he’s 3? Five? Fourteen?
Deep breath. One day at a time.
Pray for me, please. And pray for Sam. I forget sometimes that I should pray for Sam to be able to listen and obey me.
I think if I had an uninterrupted, no-insomnia 8 hours of sleep my perspective would be different.
Good things about 18 months:
He says “thank you” pretty consistently now. We’re still working on “please.” But “thank you” is really cute. 🙂
We went to the zoo last Friday and he thought it was pretty cool. He enjoyed petting the sharks, I think.
He’s still nursing, and even though it’s uncomfortable for me right now, I am glad.
He likes to pretend he’s drumming when we’re listening to music.
We talked about big boy beds, and watched videos on youtube about getting a big boy bed. He seemed interested, but we’ve gotta wait until this sleep regression/teething madness ends.
God knows and loves my little boy more than I do, He promises to do right by him. I just have to trust….